I remember the date it was October 9th 2009. After months and months of denying one thing to myself for some particular reason on this day, it all changed. I just remember watching the Oprah show one day and the topic was all about weight loss – a topic that was of no surprise to me because I had heard it all before, so I was only half listening. For some reason though as I was watching it, something inside me sparked and it was right then and there that I realized I was never going to loose weight! Another day would turn into another excuse and another excuse turned into another kg or another pound. I mean I knew I was gaining weight and yeah I knew it was making me sick and tired and angry all the time. I hated feeling like that, but I felt that I had tried it all before, so what else could possibly work!
It was on that day while watching a part of that show that Oprah asked ONE question to her “famous” guest and that ONE question that is changing my life as I speak…. The question Oprah asked her “famous” guest was “when was your time”, when did you have that moment of oh-my-god how did I get like this”? I mean I had thought those feelings before and asked myself this question many times but, for some reason that show made me ask myself that same question but this time, it was different. It was like I stopped and everything around me went quiet and all of a sudden I found myself all alone, staring at myself and asking myself that same question it was like someone had pierced my heart with a spare. It’s hard to explain but this time around when I asked myself how I got like this, I was shocked! I couldn’t believe I’d let myself get so big. Then all of a sudden it hit me, I REALLY needed to do something about it. I continued to watch the rest of the show and was amazed that I was connecting myself in a whole new way to what was being said.
After the show I was a little different then before, I began to think about this relationship I had built with food and my lifestyle. Things were changing right before my eyes in only a matter of seconds.
I had done this all before, tried eating differently, eating healthy and exercising but it never lasted long. I always set myself up for faliure before I had really begun. I was concentrating so hard on the end result, that I forgot to focus on what was going on right then and there.
September 9th 2009 was the moment that changed my mind and way of thinking. To this day I keep records of what I eat and what exercise I do on a daily bases. The difference between what I was doing wrong before and what I am doing now is, I don’t think about loosing the weight anymore. It’s more like change to my environment and that change has made my thoughts and my relationship towards food change immensely. You see before – I would turn to food for comfort, before - I would eat food when I would watch TV, before – I would eat food when I was on my own, before - I would eat food for no reason and before - I would eat food constantly because I had associated it with my whole being. I couldn’t go anywhere and not relate it to food. It got so bad that I had to eat all the food that was in front of me just because I didn’t want it to go to waste. That’s how I thought!
My biggest problem also was that I kept thinking about how I was a size 10 (in New Zealand terms) I was fit athletic and healthy. I was the life of the party, I felt great back then and looked fantastic. And every time I thought back to “those days” it was actually damaging me more and more. Because I would always use it as an excuse that one day I could be like that again! Sound familiar? One day was my denial.
So now, I have changed my relationship to food and I exercise daily. Never once have I thought to give up like I would in the past because this time, it’s like I feel guilty if I even think about fatty foods or if I don;t exercise. I have changed so much on how I eat specific foods – it’s a weird feeling. People around me notice when I turn bad foods down or ask for smaller portions for meals.
Just recently I have really noticed a change in my body weight with my trousers being loose and my health issues disappear. Just the other day I went to get my inhaler out (as I suffer from Asthma when I’m unfit) and went to take a puff but realized I didn’t actually need it anymore!!! That’s an amazing feeling and it certainly makes me feel more and more confident and excited about going for a bike ride or going for a walk everyday – it’s like my motivator, my new relationship to food and exercise.
I keep myself away from bad food altogether now (well, that’s not true I treated myself to a KBar once). I keep my grocery shopping trolley away from the potatoe chips, the ice cream etc this way I can never have it advertised in front of me to try it out. It’s cut altogether. Because I know that if I have a little bit here and there it’s just all building up. I’d rather have it out of my system altogether. When I go to a movie I order a a diet drink to last me through the movie.
Another thing I’m noticing is that I look at food contents now and what the ingredients is. I don’t do Jenny Craig or Weight Watchers I just simply read the labels. It’s amazing what small things we can do when it comes to the grocery shopping to change our eating.
I have been on this track for a little over a couple months now and I’ve heard that it takes 16 weeks to get your bad eating habits out of your system. So I know I’m still on a hard journey. I hope you will all follow my blog and feel free to share your stories through commenting. I would love to connect with people who are in the same boat or are feeling like I once did. I’m not saying I will or can help you, but I certainly hope you will learn or get motivated as I will check in here and post my comments on the rest of my weight loss journey!
I started off at 105kgs not sure what that is is pounds but it’s a lot. I’m 5ft4 and I was 45kgs overweight. Today’s date is November 21st 2009. I have lost a little over 9kgs. I will be posting photos, eating strategies, exercising tips and motivation for anyone reading these soon, so please once again feel free to come say hey.
That’s it for now,
“heavy n light”
